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Aaron Redfern

I wrote my first short story at the age of 9 and haven't looked back.

Story: Mad, Like A Simile

Reviews

Fred Ruark

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Aaron: Reading your story was like a trip back in time listening to the old noirish detective shows on the radio. They were meant to be intriguing, but when the script reached overload with more metaphors, similes, and or analogies (MS &As), they tended to become laughable and boorish. I suspect that was not your intent. Your MS & As are quite clever but for me were on the brink of overload. Cops as killers has been done a lot. There was no surprise there for ma as the reader.The shift in the story could be magical if you spent more time on that part. instead of the cute MS &As. Is Eddie on an endless cycle like Sisyphus, condemned for eternity to repeat her tasks? For Sisyphus, it was greed. Why was Eddie in the cycle? Was she/he feeling guilt for the gender switch/ Was his/her failure at manhood at the root of it all? Did he/she miss his/her and was crushed with regret? You left me guessing. If that was your intent, you succeeded. I enjoyed the ride.

Lisa Rose

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Aaron, I really enjoyed the detective portion of your story. I felt like I was in an episode of Dragnet, (a different murder every week). I loved the character of Eddie and the fact that she wasn't comfortable in her own skin, that she thought everyone was staring at her, (because they were, watching her from the balcony). I also liked the fact that although it was hard she kept fighting to retain some of her self each time. Good story. The part I liked the best? "It's always the same with you. A simple story becomes a big production. A tale of intrigue and supense." He tucked his thumb into his pocket, determined, it seemed to her to become more and more casual, to outdo his own casualness, to push the point so far that it circled the earth and struck him from behind. "You just want to be bigger than you are. You want to make people see you differently. You want them to owe you something." If you have the time please read my story 'Drift Away' and leave a review to let me know if you liked it.

Aaron Oteze

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I thoroughly enjoyed this. The story is captivating and your characters are engaging. Some parts could be said to be overwritten but it can be overlooked in the big picture. I love the twist in the end where she becomes someone else entirely, ready to go through it all again. All in all, well done! When you have time take a peek at mine and leave a review, thanks http://www.ebookmall.com/author/deepscribbler

Busyfingers

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The story was fast-paced and the action was neat and smooth. I do agree that some of the similes didn't quite work, but they were original and must be tied in with the title of the story- because I can't tie the title with anything else. You write really well, and the descriptions were powerful. I didn't quite get the second part, though, and feel it would work better with a longer piece where we can connect the dots and all.

Mary Walz

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This is a very unique story with lots of surprising twists. Your description and storytelling powers are excellent, and you obviously know your stuff when it comes to crime scenes. The ending threw me for a bit of a loop, though. I feel like I wish I knew more about why Eddie was being sentenced to this fate- the story felt a bit unfinished in that regard. Excellent writing overall though, good luck!

Ramon

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Hello Author- I really liked the noir tone of the first three quarters of your story. You have a talent for that type of characterization. I felt the jump from the murder scene to the scene was extremely jarring. It felt like two different stories stuck together. Even the "voice" of the writing changed. Perhaps that was your intent. It didn't work in my opinion. Going back to the opening scene. I thought it was a clever idea to make Eddie a transgender and that idea certainly opens the way to all kinds of conflict. I just didn't personally like the way you decided to end the story. A couple of technical things. You should make sure your metaphors make sense. Lines such as this - It was hotter than a dead dog lying on the pavement inside of a microwave - didn't make sense to me as it is an impossible scenario to visualize. A dead dog lying on the pavement of a street in the hot sun conjures up one image and the inside of a microwave is way off in another field... Also, watch your tag lines, such as this- “Eddie Reynolds?” he said. (should be- he asked - because he's asking a question) I noticed little things like this throughout your piece.

Teresa Garcia

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I am very impressed with this piece. The flow is excellent, and I love how it circles back at the end to set up for the next go-round. It is an excellent short story, but I could also see this stretched out into a full novel. The characterization makes me extremely curious as to just what this person did to "earn" what happens in the story. I want more.

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