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Dayman Rayne

My name is Dayman Rayne, I'm 36 years old and I am a writer. My stories included themes that touch upon sexual identity, teen gay relationships as well as a touch of the Supernatural. I also add a great element of sex to whatever I write and make everyone think when it's all said and done. I love Glee and every day I wake up to my second chance at life thanks to God I hope you enjoy the story Live Your Life as it talks about a couple of themes that I mention.

Story: Live Your Life

Reviews

Alyce Wilson

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I agree with the other comments that this piece needed a lot of editing, however, I commend you for taking on the important issue of bullying. In order to make this more believable, I would suggest finding out more about the real details of some high-profile cases. Most teen suicides do it alone, at home in their rooms, not in a school classroom. Also, it would have helped to have more background about these Shiny Happy People and what they do to people, in addition to more about the narrator. Hope this helps! Please take a moment and read my story, "Dating Safari," and tell me what you think.

Lisa Rose

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Please, Dayman, don't take this the wrong way. I know it is hard to hear, sometimes, what other people think of your writing. But this is a learning experience for all of us and I am only trying to help you. Writing is a language all it's own and everyone has to learn to 'speak' the language the same as everyone else. That is not to say that my way is right and yours is wrong. It is just the way that everyone does it, so that we can express our thoughts and everyone can understand them. The ideas for good stories are the hard things to come up with. You have that. Just work on your grammar and sentence structure. Find someone that you trust to read through your stories for you and eventually you will be able to learn the 'secret language' of writing. Then you will be able to fully express yourself and your ideas. I was never one of The Shiny Happy People either.

Bookmonkey

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It was a really good message, but the grammar and the punctuation kept throwing me off. If you fixed all that up then it would be really good.

Ladyroxanne21

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I liked how your story was meant to help people see the other side of the issue. I love how it was meant to make people think about their actions and open their minds to the suffering of those who are different. That said, the editing - the grammar and punctuation - made it hard for me to read. I know it's the message that is important, but if people can't read it, then the message won't reach them. Good story though :-)

Dont Be Upset

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You gotta have all the words needed in a sentence Dayman. You wrote: "There's a suicide in a high school and it brings together two people who were naturally not hang out." That is not a typo or a punctuation issue, that is just plain "can't state things clearly". You also wrote: "She meets A.J who has Gender Identity issues and just when things go great." So he only has identity issues when things are going great? Anyone can see you heading in the direction of a thought but ain't no one seeing you get there. This makes the reader have to hold several versions of the image in his/her head for each sentence to see which one he or she will need later. After a while the only thing that gets done is carrying around the stuff waiting to use it.

Book lover

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DNF. I couldn't. This story desperately needed an editor. To the author I would say this...The story line is good, the characters have personality, but the grammar and the editing leaves something to be desired. A lot of indie authors have to learn that a good editor is worth their weight in gold the hard way. Learn it now and you are ahead of the game. This piece is fixable! But, if you were taking out words like "a, of, an, ect." because of word count it was a bad idea. It makes it hard to read and reflects badly on you.

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DECEMBER 18th 2012
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