Once again it is Tuesday and it is 8pm and here I am sat in the same bistro I am in every Tuesday evening. This week my wife is late. One of us is always late; I suppose that’s the nature of our jobs. I received a text from her about 5 minutes ago; ‘running late will be there by 8:15 can you order you know what I like love you xxx.’ This is the exact same text I send her when I am late and we never get each other’s orders wrong, we always know what the other wants. 15 years of marriage will do that though. We got married very young, we were both twenty and wanted the same things in life. Everyone said it will never work; your too young life changes you. They were right life does change you but we both changed and we both wanted the same things even though those things have changed. We are both doctors. My wife is neurosurgeon and I am an orthopaedic surgeon. We are very happy. We have a very large penthouse, nice cars, nice holidays everything we ever wanted. Except children. We have been trying for five years now and nothing has happened. We have agreed not to be investigated because if it was one of us that had a problem we feared it would affect our relationship; we have seen it happen with so many of our friends. We have just agreed if it happens, it happens. ‘Excuse me sir are you ready order?’‘Yes, can we have the bruschetta to start with, I will have the steak medium rare and my wife will have the lasagne and a bottle of the house red please.’‘Excellent choice sir.’We come here every Tuesday; I always sit with my back towards the window. We have been coming here for every Tuesday for 22years. Our first date was here. We both knew then that our lives would be hectic and agreed that no matter what we would come here every Tuesday at 8pm no matter what. I love the element of surprise that is why I sit with my back to the window. Then when I am late I love watching my wife nursing her glass of wine through the window and then watching her face light up as she sees me walking up to her. ‘Hello darling. How are you?’ ‘Hello you made it busy day?’‘Yes the delights of surgery. An emergency came in she is still critical but she is improving, I may get bleeped if she deteriorates. What am I having for dinner?’‘Lasagne.’‘Mmmmm excellent choice.’‘So how are you? Good day.’‘Yes clinic mainly then paperwork.’ ‘Lovely, are you in the O.R. tomorrow?’‘Yes all day maybe late home tomorrow it is a big surgical list.’‘That’s no problem; I am on call all night.’‘Good evening sir you ordered a bottle of house red, is this suitable?’‘Yes thank you.’‘None for me thank you.’‘Are you ok?’‘Yes I am fine, it’s just in case I get called back into work. May I have a sparkling water?’‘Of course madam.’‘Now the waiter has gone, what’s wrong?’‘Nothing is wrong.’‘I read you like a book, what’s the matter.’‘I have some news.’‘You’re going t-total?’‘Yes but am I going tee-total?’‘Erm, no you’re not? Are you?’‘Yes I am.’‘You're pregnant?’‘Yes, we are pregnant.’‘That’s fantastic! I can’t believe it. When did you find out?’‘Today I took the test. I am booked in to the see the doctor tomorrow.’‘This is amazing. I am so proud of you. You are amazing, do you know that?’‘I am not the first person to ever get pregnant you know!’‘I know but I think you are magical.’‘Thank you. You are also magical then as you knocked me up!’‘I will drink to that for both of us. I cannot wait to ring my mum and tell her.’‘Slow down, it is too early yet leave it a few weeks, anything can happen.’‘Yes that’s true I am so excited.’‘I know I am too but we must wait.’‘Lots to sort out though.’‘Yes the nursery, the nanny, maternity leave.’‘Hang on, nanny, maternity leave? I thought you were going to give up work?’‘I know I said I would but I am an established successful neurosurgeon now I love my job and I don’t want to give it up. I have worked hard.’‘I know but we both work long and hard hours. I am not sure that’s good for the baby.’‘I know maybe we need to both reduce our hours.’ ‘Yes, my contract is up for renewal in a few months I will renegotiate my hours.’‘Same here.’ ‘So how long are you going to have off on maternity leave?’‘I am not sure I am thinking 6 months.’‘That sounds like a good idea.’‘You never know, I may change my mind but I want to leave my options open for now.’‘That’s fair enough. Your right we don’t have to decide these things right now.’‘Exactly let’s just enjoy our dinner.’‘Bruschetta, enjoy sir and madam.’‘Thank you.’‘Mmmm the bruschetta is very good tonight.’The silence hits as we eat I just look at my wife, admiring her glow her sheer beauty. I mean she has been performing brain surgery all day she still looks as fresh as a daisy. Pure beauty and she doesn’t even know it. She is amazing. However I can see in her face something is bothering her.‘What’s the matter?’‘May I take your plate’s sir?’‘Yes.’‘Was everything ok with your starter?’‘Yes thank you.’‘What do you mean?’‘Something is wrong what is it?’‘It's nothing just hormones I think.’‘That’s not true there is something, just tell me.’‘You know I am going to change whilst I am pregnant.’‘Yes I know you are going to have a baby.’‘Yes but I am going to get fat, and I am going to waddle and be extremely hormonal. I may become demanding like Jess did.’‘Jess was demanding and highly strung before pregnancy, you are not like Jess.’‘I know but it does just, nothing leave it.’‘We need to sort it out let’s get it out in the air.’‘I just worry you may stray when I become bigger.’‘No I won’t I love you more than anything and you are going to be carrying our baby and you are going to look amazing no matter how big, or crazy or demanding you get.’‘What about the incident?’‘That was ten years ago. I thought we had put it behind us.’‘I have I just worry things are going to be different now.’‘Yes but good different. Look I was 25 we were both working stupid hours and I was lonely.’‘So was I but I never cheated.’‘I know and that is why you are magical and a better person than me. I still regret it and every day I thank the stars that you are still here with me.’‘Ok, just please if you’re feeling overwhelmed please let me know.’‘I will promise, double promise, triple promise.’‘Ok, ok.’‘Madam, your lasagne.’‘Thank you very much.’‘Sir your steak.’‘Thank you.’ Silence once again. It's bliss. I must admit even though my steak is delicious I am having trouble swallowing it after the last conversation. I look up my wife is only playing with lasagne now obviously a raw nerve for both of us. ‘How is your lasagne?’‘It is very nice thank you. How is your steak?’‘Perfect as always.’‘Good.’ ‘Are we ok now?’‘Yes as I say I think its hormones just bear with me, ok.’‘Of course, anything for you and our baby.’‘Hmm, our baby.’‘Your face lights the room when you smile do you know that.’‘No it doesn’t it just warms your heart, now let’s eat.’Silence again and if by magic, I have no issue swallowing. I think I had better brace myself for the next few months it’s going to be bumpy.‘Do you think we have sat at every table in this restaurant over the past 22 years?’‘I am not sure, maybe, we sit at this table a lot.’‘We do, I like this table, and I think this is our favourite table.’ ‘I am very full now I think I need a nap.’‘That will be the baby draining your energy supplies.’‘Yes but the baby is more than welcome to it, need to keep it strong.’‘We need to keep you strong too.’‘Yes I will be fine though.’‘I have no doubt of that you are amazing.’‘I am not amazing I am woman it is what we do.’ ‘Very true, women are the eighth wonder of the world.’‘Yes you forgot the ninth and tenth wonder too.’‘Ha ha ha yes of course how I could forget that. I can’t wait to get home and cuddle you on the sofa and tell you just how amazing you are.’‘Well you can do that after I have had a long hot bath and a hot chocolate. Need some comfort tonight.’ ‘Of course my love and would you be having bubbles in your bath this evening?’‘Yes only the finest though, I am high maintenance now.’‘Is that so?’‘Yes it is get used to it.’‘I will, don’t you worry.’‘Did you drive here?’‘No took a cab, how about you?’‘No took a cab too.’‘It shouldn’t take long to hail a cab from here it looks busy outside.’‘Yes good time to go really.’‘Excuse me waiter may I have the bill?’‘Of course sir.’‘Oh no that’s my cell phone; it’s the hospital I am just going to take this.’‘Ok no problems.’I love watching my wife walk she walks with such elegance and power. The perfect walk. Great bum too. I often wonder what would of happened if she had left me after my stupid affair. The girl I was sleeping with was very nice but I didn’t love her, to be honest I didn’t really care for her at all. I treated her as child does their favourite teddy bear. When I needed comfort I gave her all the attention in the world when I was ok I discarded her to collect dust in the corner. I was a terrible person. I like to think I am better person now. I know I am a better husband now. I hope to be a good father in a few months. Me, a dad it doesn’t feel real yet. I suppose it won’t until I see the sonogram. I can’t wait. I must make the appointment tomorrow I do not want to miss a thing over the next 9 months.‘Bad news darling. My emergency patient has taken a turn for the worse I have to rush back.’‘No problems, see you at home?’‘Yes hopefully, it could be a long one.’‘Fair enough, what time is your appointment tomorrow I want to be there.’‘It is at 10:30am, you have surgery though you don’t have to come.’‘I want to be there for everything.’‘Fair enough and I want you there for everything. I have to dash can I leave you to sort the bill?’‘Of course always.’‘Excellent, see you later.’‘Yes I love you.’‘I love you too.’‘I am going home to remove all soft cheese and pate from the house. Just in case you get tempted.’‘Thank you, you think of everything.’‘I certainly try. Do not over do it at work.’‘I will try.’Off she goes again saving lives and growing life inside her. Absolutely amazing. I think I will just savour the quiet for a while enjoy this glass of wine and head home. ‘Your bill sir.’‘Thank you very much.’‘May I have this wine bottled to take home?’‘Of course sir.’Bill paid, healthy tip left. Lovely waiter this evening. Well spoken very young, I presume putting himself through college. I loved college, but it wasn’t the best days of my life. I am very lucky every day turns out to be the best day of my life. I am so lucky. ‘BANG.’‘Aaaahhhhh!’‘What on earth is that?’ I turn round, a mass of people are huddled outside a woman is screaming why won’t she stop screaming.‘Excuse me waiter what is happening?’‘Someone outside has been attacked I think they have been shot. I am just ringing an ambulance.’‘Is there a doctor out there?’‘I do not know sir.’ Quick grab my coat lets go I may be able to save this person. It’s my job I have to help I have to try and give them a second chance.‘Excuse me, excuse me, I am a doctor please stand back and let me assist.’ Why is no one moving? Can they not hear me? ‘EXCUSE ME I AM A DOCTOR STAND BACK. LET ME TEND TO THE PATIENT.’Still no one is moving I elbow I shove people. If they won’t listen they are hindering this person’s access to medical treatment. Are they mad or deaf or just stupid? This crowd of people seems to go on forever. Why is no one still moving? Finally I am at the injured person. I am frozen my wife, why is my wife on the floor? Stop it you need to be her doctor right now. I fall to my knees.‘Darling can you hear me, an ambulance is coming you are going to be fine.’‘No I am not I am dying.’‘No no your not you can’t die we have this new chapter to start, this is not your time.’‘We don’t decide when it is our time; my fault should have given the man my bag.’‘Ssshhhh don’t speak you need to preserve your breath. Your always stubborn why would tonight be any different?’‘I love you so much. I want you to be happy no matter what.’ ‘I will be happy with you. Always I love you so much too and our unborn baby.’ ‘How bad is it I know the bullet has gone through my chest I can feel my lung filling up.’‘Ssssh reserve you’re breathing it is going to be fine. The ambulance is coming.’I hold her tight applying pressure to the wound, come ambulance hurry up hurry up! ‘It's really hard to breath now, I’m so tired.’‘No, you stay with me, stay awake you must stay awake sshhh don’t speak.’‘I love you.’‘I love you too now and forever.’‘No no no! Breathe, breathe.’ Find a pulse find a pulse got to find a pulse. Where is it? It has to be here, she is too amazing to die. She has always been superwoman she is invincible, find a pulse. There is no pulse. There is no pulse. My wife my baby my everything is gone. In the place it all started 17 years ago, it is now over. All gone just two corpses in my arms being showered with my tears. Life is so delicate.
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