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K.G.

I am a freelance writer for Demand Media Studios (e How). I enjoy writing various stories and articles in which my Psychology degree serves as a great aide. In addition to my freelance work, I have featured short stories on websites specializing in health and beauty. A self proclaimed softy for timeless romance, I utilize a combination of experiences and imagination to delve into creating a story and transport readers on a journey.

Story: Night Sky

Reviews

Alyce Wilson

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I'm a fan of both a good love story and a good fantasy/SF story, so I liked your essential plot. I felt that the dialogue often got in the way; what was said was not particularly relevant to the plot and tended to slow things down. While there were sensory descriptions from the POV of the girl being kissed, for example, we could have used more descriptions of her love and of the important moments in the story. If you revise this, remember to focus on the mystery aspect of it, which will drive readers. Hope this is helpful! Please take a moment to read my story, "Dating Safari," which also deals with romance, and leave me your comments.

Victoria Riley

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I liked this very imaginative story. I did see a couple of mistakes but unlike Lisa Rose and Busy fingers, I am in no position to "correct" this Author. I am not a professional. Just keep writing!

Busyfingers

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The plot was solid, although I'm guessing it's a much longer piece, as there were chunks of information missing. I liked the imagery and descriptions. I also liked such metaphors as, "My heart sprinted in my chest." However, there was some confusion with tenses and some spelling errors. Clauses and phrases seemed misplaced, for example, "Deciding to pick a CD, I changed my mind unexpectedly more interested in letting my mind wonder." It would have been better as: "I changed my mind and decided to pick a CD, more interested in letting my mind wanter." Also, "During work, I daydreamed of his flawless features sitting at my work dest visualizing his seductive translucent eyes." It would work better as: "During work at my desk, I daydreamed of his flawless features and his seductive eyes." I also noticed that you used the word 'flickered' twice, wrongly; "The flicker of his footsteps" and "I flickered through different radio stations". For the first, 'sound' would have been fine, and you probably wanted to say 'flicked' for the second one. Well done, though, and keep writing!

Lisa Rose

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The punctuation and tenses in your story could use some work. When Galen is speaking to Sky you wrote : "Have a good weekend Sky." There should be a comma after the word weekend; which is the case when one character is speaking to another. Also when you change speakers, you should start another paragraph. The beginning was pretty good, but the farther along it went the harder it was to read. You resorted to something like stage directions about halfway through, for example. Snickering at my comment... "You have quite an inventive imagination, but no... no secret girlfriend." It should have been. He snickered at my comment... "You have quite an inventive imagination. But, no... no secret girlfriend." Also at one point they were on the patio dancing and in the next sentence you had her coming out of a tent. And I'm not sure if you know this, but it kind of sounded like some of the scenes out of 'twilight'. If you have time, would you read my story, 'Drift Away' and write a review to let me know what you think?

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DECEMBER 18th 2012
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