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Keldrick T. Mobley

No lights. No camera. ALL ACTION. visit www.lions4aday.com to read MORE from Keldrick T. Mobley

Story: Wright As Rain

Reviews

Lisa Rose

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This is a really good story. I liked it a lot. I did notice a few things in your text. You wrote: '"Shit... so how are you so sure its Drew?" King paused, making a mental note, and then took a look through the scope again while placing her finger on the trigger. This sentence is just a little confusing, because it is actually the pilot talking, but when you follow it with 'King paused' it seems as though King is speaking. It would be clearer like this. "Shit... so how are you so sure it's Drew?" the pilot asked. King pause making a mental note, and then took a look through the scope again while placing her finger on the trigger. The line that I loved the best? "There was an error in my accounting department, it seems you over paid." If you have the time please read my story 'Drift Away' and leave a review to let me know if you liked it.

NEXT05

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Not only did the author SHOW and not TELL, his main character was a strong woman! The story left me wanting to read more from this character. I loved how everything was seamless and the plot pulls you in deeper. The action was just enough and described with such detail. I can tell you researched to make sure the story was true . All in all, well written piece.

Nia

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What an awesome story! The flow is great and fast, keeps the reader interested. Very solid read for anyone who likes action. Anymore stories????

Artist82

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This was a good story! It did seem that some parts could have used a little more detail in addition to proofreading.

Stephen Conley

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You don't need much in the way of proofreading. No typos or errors in grammar really stood out to me. It was clever storytelling, i'd have been disappointed in your skill if King hadn't taken care of the pilot. She revealed far too much to him. You did well with that plot point too, it was well-done. This is a good noir story and there's not enough of them these days. Most of them fall into these dark depressing solitary tales but you avoided that and gave us a more light-hearted read. There's a spot near the middle where the setting switched but it wasn't described at all. That and i would have liked more detail when she took out her first target. Other than that, this was a well-done story.

PennilessWriter

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The story wasn't poorly written and has some elements that I really liked, particularly Betancourt's pleas for help. That scene reminded me of a good graphic novel. However, the story overall needed some proofreading, editing, and formatting, and while it was well-paced and an easy read, it was also pretty cliche. I think if you're going to write an action story, you have to try to put a new twist on it, and this just didn't bring anything new to the table.

Ashly

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This story is really great. As a huge fan of the Kill Bill movies, this plot was really appealing to me. I love your main character and would love to read more stories about the people she kills. This is top notch stuff.

GamePoint Lu

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The story is great. It reads like an Imax 3D movie.

MLaFra

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Love it. Plot was great and kept me interested. Keep up the good work.

TreeLife

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Very good read...keeps you on the edge!

Zoltetov

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Well-written story that draws you in deeper as the plot "thickens". Excellent display of imagination by the author, and very deft use of movement within the story. A really enjoyable story.

ElGuapo357

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outstanding plot. Story really brings you in, terrific writing.

alikitten73

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Good work. Could have used some proofreading, but other than that, the story line was pretty solid. Well done.

Gina

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Great read! It pulls you in and takes you al the way to then end.

Olgui826

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Great story :)

IAmDaBat

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Solid read! Do you have any other stories out there? If not, Keep them coming!

RSP

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This is a Great story it has a wonderful plot that pull you in , it's full of action from beginning to end .I really couldn't stop reading . Kudos to the author...job well done

Truman

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Great plot. Well written. Good ending.

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DECEMBER 18th 2012
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