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Lance Burson writing contest
Tweets by Lance Burson

Lance Burson

Anxiety-filled, sarcastic, punk-rocking, sports and music obsessed aspiring writer living with 4 women and not talking about Fight Club.

Story: Italian Radio

Reviews

PennilessWriter

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This story is well-paced, well-told, and the dialogue is strong. However, the subject is clearly borrowed and reads like a more noir version of Law & Order, and needs serious editing, first for grammar, as there are many incorrect, missing, or redundant words peppered throughout the piece. The characters of Allison and Breann have real dimension, but Greta is a poorly-drawn cliche, and evenly using two names for her was unnecessary and distracting. The plot holes are big enough to completely swallow the reader. Why was Breann mysteriously ill? What is with the magnet? What did this have to do with Allison? Why was this indicative of some supposed scoop, and where was it? We are given the idea that Breann has come to a major realization about the case, and then we are not given the insight. If the author intends the reader to make the connection, the leap is too far. There is a lot of story-telling skill here, but it would benefit greatly from some editing and a game of connect-the-dots.

PamH

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The writing isn't bad, but this is not very original. Isn't this very similar to the real-life story of Amanda Knox??

Bridget

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Great story, as always! I love the way Lance brings music into his writing. It always helps me feel the piece rather than just reading it.

Dawn Beronilla

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Lance created some very real characters for this tale, and I was hooked from the very beginning. He weaves a great story that leaves you wanting more. He leaves you not just wondering how the story ends, but what happens to the people in it... and that takes talent.

Brahm

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Great stuff... as expected!

Ramon

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Interesting mix of reviews here. I felt the story was written reasonably well. It could have used a good thorough edit. There are numerous grammar and sentence structure problems. I also didn't care for the "ripped from the headlines" theme of the story. With a universe full of possibilities why pick that? My only answer is a lack of imagination. Sorry. You did make the characters of Breann and Allison believable. But the one aspect of this story that really isn't excusable is that it was open ended. This is a short story contest. That means beginning, middle, end. You also should have explained more thoroughly what the medical condition was and why it was in the story.

karenismuttering

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An exciting, chilling read.

Krisi

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Awesome story

Dee Cville

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Awesome story! Would love to read more.

Andra Watkins

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Lance weaves a great story. Fast moving and superbly written. An awesome read.

Headliner

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Same ole, same ole. Isn't there more to the human experience than and murder?

Alyce Wilson

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The "ripped from the headlines" nature of this story was a little distracting, but the writing was clear and straightforward. I found myself getting drawn into the story and siding with this reporter, but I also felt there were some important unanswered questions. What sort of illness is the reporter dealing with, and does it relate at all to this case? If this piece is going to stand on its own, such questions should be answered. Overall, a delight to read.

Jen O.

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Can't wait to read more. Great characters that I want to know more about. Well done.

Christine

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At first I admit I wasn't sure if I would like this - story ripped from the headlines, etc. - but what really drew me in (and changed my mind) was the inner turmoil that the main character seems to be experiencing. The trial of Allison Keene serves as a backdrop for what's happening to the journalist, whose story is full of unanswered questions that really drive my desire to read more. (What's the deal with the magnet, for example? It's killing me!) This felt like the prologue to a longer work.

Sinistral Scribblings

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As always, Lance has crafted a wonderful tale full of believable characters and a plot that keeps you reading.

StoryGoddess

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i don't think i read the same story as most of these 5 star reviews. "mysteriously" ill... she just seemed tired and jaded and with a magnet in her body for some reason we don't get to knwo. ripped from the headlines is lame on SVU or whatever, its lame here too. The girl's a psycho, all the characters are the same, devious, shallow and talk like dudes.

My Write Side SAM

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Breann is such a believable character. She feels like an old friend. Lance has quite a way with character development that makes you wish you knew them in real life. He did the news story justice, giving a fresh face to an old story, breathing new life into an overtold, overexposed headline, and he does it very well.

Tracie

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This is a great piece. It draws you in immediately and does not disappoint. I would love to see it expanded into a longer story.

the robot mommy

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Lance has a way of writing into your soul. He creates characters out of thin air and gives them heart. You feel this story come alive. Lance has a gift to make you love his creative mind.

dc

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awesome

Arabella

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Amazing story telling. The story kept my attention from start to finish.

kathleenpatricia

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unfinished. i read through the whole piece and left feeling like i learned nothing. the story has potential but the plot was undeveloped.

pcbman

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Good stuff, nice work Lance!

Italian radio fan

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I sincerely hope to see this story complete! The characters are very engaging. Only complaint is it ended too soon

Debbie K

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I really enjoyed reading this story. It kept my attention and left me wanting more! I hope to find out who killed Saffron and why Allison felt the need to protect the real murderer!
AUTHOR RANK
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DECEMBER 18th 2012
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DECEMBER 7th 2012
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