She needed to get out. She needed to get out of this class room now. Rebecca watched the clock as it slowly ticked and tocked down the last painful minutes of her 6th period class. Her body began to shake as she played with her silver bracelet. This class seemed like it would never end. Her palms began to sweat, her foot began to tap and her heart began to race. "Rebecca?" Mr. Moncrief asked, seeming concerned. "Hmm?" She snapped her attention quickly from her bracelet to his eyes. "Do you need to see the nurse?" He questioned, furrowing his brow in confusion. "Oh no, no I'm fine, just anxious," she smiled her perfect smile. Her illuminating white teeth seemed to light up the dim class room. Mr. Moncrief nodded as he turned to erase the board. Rebecca turned her attention to the clock again. "3-2-1," she whispered with a smile still planted on her face. The bell rang. She leapt up and almost ran erratically into the hallway, but soon regained her composure. She knew people would be watching her. "Have you seen Rebecca's hair? It looks so nice." "Ugh there's Rebecca…" "Rebecca is so hot." "I'm so jealous of her." "Is that a new scarf she's wearing? Her parents are loaded." "Her and Brian are so cute together! I'm totally jealous!" Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca… She learned to tune them all out. She had gotten used to it; it had been going on since before she could remember. Rebecca had always been the school's main focus, ever since she developed anyways. She had stunning curly blonde hair, vibrant green eyes, perfect skin, rich parents, and a good looking boyfriend. Even though, the student body seemed to know everything about her, they really didn’t know anything at all. If only they knew what she was going to do right now. They would have a field day. If only they could read her mind, hear her thoughts, or actually get to know her and not just see her. They would be shocked. "Rebecca!" Her thoughts were interrupted. She glanced over her shoulder to see Brian, her heart sank but quickened in pace all at once. It was time. "You ready?" He whispered in her ear. Without an answer he continued walking, and she knew she was supposed to follow. Her body felt so happy and eager, but her mind was screaming at her. With every foot step she took, the screams got louder and louder. The couple walked towards Brian's red pickup truck, hand-in-hand in case of on-lookers. She wanted to let go and run away, but she didn’t. She never did. She knew she needed this. The doors creaked as they opened and again when they closed. The engine roared to life and cold air began to pour from the vents making her shiver. "Your house?" He smirked at her. When she brought herself to nod back, the car was already moving in that direction. Secretly, she wanted the car to crash and burst into flames so she could be free, free to make her own decisions, free from everything. She didn’t want to live this life anymore. She needed to be freed from the clutches of the demon. They reached her house much sooner than she had hoped for. They hadn't crashed, there were no flames, and there was no freedom, just another date with Brian and the demon. Her fingers danced across the key pad and the garage door slowly opened. A sigh escaped her mouth, her breath caused a cloud to form in front of her face, but it disappeared as soon as it had appeared. Their footsteps echoed as the pair walked through the empty marble hall. No one was home, as usual. Her parents were away in Aspen, again. Rebecca flipped a switch and light poured over her large kitchen. She slowly picked up the cluster of papers that lay on the counter as Brian unzipped his backpack. He took out a mirror, a razor blade, and a tiny straw. Rebecca leaned against the counter, waiting. She folded her hands, trying to seem calm as her heart raced. The demon did this to her, she didn’t know why. She shouldn't do it. She wasn’t going to. This time she was going to say no. She could do it. Why did Brian introduce her to this demon? She couldn’t ever get away from it now. Her eyes fell on Brian, he didn’t notice her glares. She hated everything about him. He ruined her. He ruined everything. He blindsided her with his good looks and his charm, just to introduce her to a new bad habit. It was his entire fault that she did this. Rebecca was innocent. She wouldn't do it if it wasn’t for him. She was going to say no this time. She didn’t want him to know how badly she needed it. Her eyes watched as he poured out the yellow-white powder and took the razor blade to chop up the rocks. He formed crooked off-white lines. She could see the smile grow on his face. The anticipation was swelling inside Rebecca's body. She wanted to fly. He gave her the straw, the answer to all of her problems was finally here, but she couldn’t take it. She was going to say no. No. No. No. The tiny straw felt heavy in her hand. Brian stared at her waiting. She stared at the lines on the counter. They couldn’t go to waste. Someone had to do them. Brian could do them. He could, she didn't have to. He couldn’t do all five though, she had to help. No. No. No, she didn’t. Yes. She had to help him. She had to be a good girlfriend. One time wouldn't hurt anyone. This would be her last time. Just like her other last time. She felt the familiar burning in her nose, it felt like fire. It felt like fire running through her veins, rushing to her heart, and to her brain, sweeping her away from reality. Electricity pulsed through her body as she watched Brian do three lines. Her adrenaline was off the charts. She was flying. It had taken over her brain. Rebecca was staring off into space intently when she felt Brian's eyes on her. "What?" She giggled. His eyes wandered up and down her tiny body. Rebecca suddenly realized what he wanted, compensation. He took a few steps toward her, instinctively she took a few steps back. "I- I- I don’t want to Brian. Not today please," she whimpered. Her heart began to race faster than it already was. She could hear the thumping echoing in her head, bouncing off her brain. The drug likes to screw with you. Her hands were shaking. She was unsure if it was from the fear, or from the meth. "Why not, Rebecca?" He yelled grabbing fists of his hair. The demon did this, it made people angry. "What is your problem? You don't just get to do this for free you know! This shit is expensive, I'm already in debt. You could at least have sex with me! I am your boyfriend Rebecca!" He yelled walking towards her. She wished he wasn’t her boyfriend, but she needed him. She needed his drugs. "Stop it! What do you want? I don’t want to have sex with you Brian. Not after last time." Tears swelled in her eyes as she moved to the other side of the island that stood in the middle of her kitchen. She was hot, she was high, and she was scared. "I want something, this shit's not free!" He slammed his fists into the island. Rebecca felt her lower lip begin to tremble as she reached into her back pocket. Her eyes never left his as she handed him a fifty dollar bill. She continued to stare at him as he slammed her front door shut. Once again, the house was empty. It was just her and the demon, now. She stood in the cold lonely kitchen. Even though the kitchen was cold, she was sweating. Her body was still twitching and her mind was still racing. She needed to relax. She let out a loud scream of frustration that echoed through the vacant rooms as she whipped around to the drawer behind her, fiercely pulling it open. Inside laid her mother's pack of cigarettes. She grabbed them and stormed outside. Brian was gone luckily. Rebecca pulled out her orange lighter and let the smoke fill her lungs. Her mind was racing, partially because of the meth, and partially because of Brian. "You flutter high until you crash…" She whispered, releasing the smoke from her lungs. The smoke made the most brilliant shapes. She found them so entertaining. Laughing hysterically she threw the butt on the ground and walked back inside. Now what? She knew the drugs wouldn’t let her sleep. Not for at least a day. Maybe she could get some homework done. Rebecca walked over to the bookshelf and heaved out her "Global Studies" text book. She knew she actually couldn’t do homework right now. Regardless, she opened the book to chapter seven. Rebecca glanced over the page, but the big blue letters caught her eye. She read, "’Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.' - Napoleon Bonaparte." A sigh escaped her mouth as she closed the book with a thud. Her eyes landed on the bright green digital clock that blinked obnoxiously in her face. It was only four o'clock. Rebecca strolled to over to where her bag sat on the marble counter and took out her cell phone. Her head was spinning, her body was so light. She could fly away with the birds if she wanted to. "Where are you?" She typed out quickly. "Message Sent," popped up on the screen with a little red check mark. Waiting for a response seemed to take hours, but finally her phone buzzed. "Jennifer's, since you wouldn't finish the job." Were her eyes lying to her? She read it again. No they weren't. Brian was such an ass. She set down her phone and went straight for her father’s liquor cabinet. None of this was anything new. If she couldn’t sleep, she would force herself to. "What to have? What to have?" She whispered seeming amused "Hm, Maybe some Goose?" She examined the bottle carefully through her tears, and then laughed. "Oh! How about some Vodka? Nope, not tonight!” She dropped the bottle and broke into a fit of hysterics as it rolled away. "This one seems nice!" She held a green bottle up to her eyes. "Aw there's a little deer on the label! This one's the winner!" Triumphantly, Rebecca held the bottle over her head with tears falling down her face. After a moment she swiftly opened the bottle and brought it to her lips. The thick warm liquid burned as it went down her throat, but she liked the burning. She liked anything she could feel. She laughed as her back hit the floor and the empty bottle fell to the ground next to her. Everything was spinning as her insides burned away. Everything was moving, but she was still. Her eyes eventually blinked shut and her mind slowed as she fell into an alcohol induced sleep.----------------------------------------------------- "Buzz, Buzz, Buzz." There were bees everywhere. "Buzz, Buzz, Buzz." Go away bees! "Buzz, Buzz, Buzz." Rebecca wearily opened her eyes. The bees were very loud. They were waking her up. They have some nerve. "Buzz, Buzz, Buzz." She rolled over groggily and saw her phone lit up on the counter. It was vibrating against the marble. Slowly, Rebecca lifted herself off of the cold floor. Her head ached, her body was sore, and her heart was still racing. The high was fading. She was starting to crash. The light from the phone made her eyes squint a little. It was a text, from Brian. She apprehensively tapped the "open now" button, and began to read. "Rebecca, I'm sorry about the other night, I'll be at your house in an hour, okay?" Other night? She looked at the date on her phone January, 16th. It was six in the morning. She had fallen asleep January 14th around six at night. She shrugged; at least she was well rested. Once again, it was nothing new. She placed her phone back on the counter. Her feet felt heavy as she trekked to the closest mirror. She looked like hell. Her makeup had run all over her face, her hair was tangled, her skin was pale and her eyes seemed to have faded. There was no light in them anymore. Her ocean blue eyes had turned comatose and unrecognizable. There was blood trailing down her cheek from a nose bleed that she must have suffered in her sleep. How had she let this happen to her? How did it get this far? Those few times they tried hard drugs last year weren’t supposed to lead to this. "Ughhhh!" She groaned, placing her hands on her forehead. Her head was killing her, but regardless, she needed to get ready for the world. They wanted to see the Rebecca they knew, not this run down Rebecca.----------------------------------------------------- The cold air blew her clean damp hair erratically across her face. A piece got caught in her long manicured eyelashes. She brushed it away. Her head still felt like there was a jackhammer in it, and her body still felt like it got hit with a train, but she looked like the perfect doll that she longed to be. It wasn't so long ago that she had been that doll, or close to it anyways. Before Brian, before drugs, life was good then, maybe even great. She missed it, but she was too deep now. Brian's pickup was barreling down the road, she could hear it. Soon after she saw it slowly coming to a stop in front of her house. Brian always drove her to school when her parents weren't home. It seemed like more of a struggle to pull herself into the high passenger seat today. "Hi," she buckled her seat belt. "Hi," he put the car into drive and continued going straight. "Where are we going? The school is that way…" She looked out the back window in a panic as her voice faded. "I have to drop some money off quick," he grunted. "Oh…" she sighed, looking out the window. She saw a flock of tiny birds flying high in the cloudy blue sky. She watched them until they flew out of sight. She and Brian didn't speak until the car came to a stop fifteen minutes later. "Come on," he said as he hopped out of his truck. She quickly slid out of the passenger seat and followed. The buildings here were all condemned, nothing like her house. People roamed the streets seeming like they had nowhere to go. A group of kids gathered around two more kids playing a game with dice. Rebecca folded her arms tightly across her chest. She didn't like it here. Her stomach tied up in knots as Brian ducked into a skinny dark alleyway. She took one last uneasy glance behind her and followed him in. There was another boy in the alley. He had baggy blue jeans and wore a crooked hat. He smirked when he saw Brian. Rebecca stopped walking as Brian approached him. Leaving one arm across her chest, she began to bite her finger nails. She couldn’t hear them, but by the look on the other boys face and by the swift movements of Brian's hands she could tell there was a problem. Her heart began to thump against her chest as the other boy reached into his pants and pulled out a gun. He pushed it against Brian's head. She felt her eyes grow wide in horror as she watched the scene play out before her. Her feet were frozen in their place. She couldn't move. Fear paralyzed her. Brian quickly punched the boy in the face, causing him to drop the gun. She watched the two scuffle as the gun skidded to a stop in front of her feet. Her mind stopped working, or maybe it was working too fast. "Rebecca!" Brian yelled, "get the gun!" Her eyes never left the weapon that was begging her to pick it up. Everything was happening so fast, but it seemed so slow. Her heart echoed in her head. Her legs trembled as she took a step toward the gun. Rebecca gently bent down and apprehensively took it in her hand. It was heavy and it was cold. She had never held a gun before. Her heart was screaming as she stood back up. Her palms were slick with sweat. She looked at the gun in her hands and pointed it uneasily. Knots began tying tight in her stomach, knots that would never come undone. Her breathing became unsteady. She hesitated and bit her lower lip. "Rebecca! Shoot!" Brian screamed to her. She aimed. CRACK. The sound resonated and bounced off of the brick walls. Rebecca let the gun slip gracefully from her hands; it clinked against the solid concrete. His lifeless body collapsed to the pavement below with a haunting thump. Rebecca turned around slowly in shock. She was still shaking, but she never looked back. She would never look back. She could hear his running footsteps growing fainter with distance. She walked away. With each step she knew everything was going to be okay now. She could turn her life back around now. Brian was dead. "Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide," she whispered to herself as she left the dark alleyway. She was finally free.