My book is the vivid memory of the psychotic state of mind that I experienced after the birth of my first child. I try to explain how it actually feels to be manic and, although my body was on earth, my mind had taken me into a wild dimension, a frightening and frustrating place. I had been diagnosed with puruple psychosis; a very serious case. I wouldn't respond to any medication as my will was too strong. And I didn't sleep night and day for three and a half weeks.
I was ill after my second child and then became a regular visitor to the psychiatric ward. In 1992 I was diagnosed a manic-depressive. I found the psychiatrist a waste of time; when I became manic they treated my illness but did nothing to help me talk through my problems. The drugs given helped at the time, as they would push the problems to the back of my mind; unfortunately they kept coming back again and again. My brain is very logical and there had to be a reason and an answer for everything; it would go into search mode trying to find out why. I had no control over it and it wouldn't stop until it was satisfied with the conclusion.
In my book I explain how I felt trapped with nowhere to turn; there was no hope left but to carry on causing havoc and visiting the ward. When I first went for my E.C.T the anaesthetist would say "here she is the one who can count to fifty before she gets knocked out!" I would even try to fight that, as my mind didn't want to slow down.
The mind is a very powerful thing and I have experienced mine at full power!! At one time I was shuffling my feet and dribbling from the mouth; I must have looked as though I was auditioning for house on the haunted hill. But I was still there, I think the worst thing was remembering my family, my mother and father coming to visit and seeing their little girl like that, but as much as I tried to communicate with them I couldn't!
Writing my book was great therapy for me as, although it was difficult, I was able to put it away and keep it in the past. I hope it will inspire other people to write their experiences down even if it just gets put in a draw as mine did for two years until I was ready to do something with it. Obstacles will always be thrown at you in life but they are nothing compared to the mountains I've climbed!
About the Author
Lesley Watson was born in the north of England; she had a wonderful child hood with an older sister and a younger brother. Her father was a deeply religious man who brought them up in a catholic environment; they all attended church weekly in their Sunday best, and Lesley Watson has fond memories of her childhood whilst living in the north of England.
The family moved to the south of England in 1977 when Lesley Watson was nine. When she was thirteen her life took a drastic turn; she held on to a lot of pain and anguish but some how managed to hold onto her sanity.
Lesley Watson married in 1988 and after the birth of her first child in1989 Lesley Watson suffered a severe psychosis; this whole occurrence was undoubtedly linked to her terrible experience when aged 13 and this further traumatic illness affected her for another ten years. Lesley Watson was diagnosed a manic-depressive and had to live with the stigma of this awful illness. She wanted desperately to talk about her experience and what she was feeling but her psychiatrist insisted that she not talk about it as it would bring on another manic episode.
In 1995 Lesley Watson divorced after seven years of an abusive relationship. Her father died in 1998 and that was the last time she visited that psychiatric ward; previous to this Lesley Watson was having manic episodes every nine to twelve months. Her neighbours seemed to fear the illness and many people took advantage of her.