'Ich glaube Tristram ist der grossest dummkopf im die welt. Ein student? Nicht nein, porcupine! Er ist ser, ser schlecht. Wo is der Lehrer mit ein gross Stock? Sie mussen schlagen Tristram jeden tag."-Die Gross Zietung von Deutschland, Osterreich, und Schweiz

'Tengo solamente una pregunta. Ensename: ?Como America es el unico 'superpower' del mundo con ninos como Tristram Hoosier? !Digame eso!"-El Periodico del America Central y de Sur

'G'day, mate! I think Tristram Hoosier is a smashing lad, full of energy. Good on him! And anyone who says otherwise ... well, bugger 'em!"-Times Chronicle and Herald Tribune of Australia and New Zealand

In Tristram Hoosier's third book about his family and growing up in Gary, Indiana, an uncle builds a mechanical spanking machine and plans to use Tristram as a guinea pig; Tristram's dad does battle with a crazed deer on a hunting trip; Tristram watches the magnificent rise and catastrophic fall of a neighborhood rock star; and Tristram overhears a family conspiracy against a jealous husband. I'm Not Touching You! shows that you can be tried, convicted, and sentenced ... even if you really weren't touching anyone.